I write this letter to you with the coming and passing of our first Valentine’s without you. Can you blame my heart for still missing you? I put one foot in front of the other, taking steps, moving forward. But my heart remains planted behind, in your shadows. Be patient with me darling. This part of me is still struggling. Even as I see your face smiling at me, encouraging me to move forward with God, and in God;  my heart is not ready. In the last two days, I danced slowly in your arms again – to songs of our past silently crying with me through our home, on the one speaker we used to share. As I leaned my head on your absent shoulders and sobbed into the space where you would have occupied if you were  still here, my heart filled with delight in its fragmented bearing. Allowing me to honor our love, our life together and our memories that I now will carry on my own. I’m closing our chapters sweetheart. But not in the ways I would have believed when you first left me.

Understanding the weightiness of this being my first love letter written to your soul…brings me joy in the tragic circumstance. I’ll forever be your wife. But now I need your strength as I walk forward solely, and completely as God’s daughter and vessel for His glory. I can hear your whispers booming, “I’m proud of you beautiful.” So I walk forward with these words written on my soul, comforting my heart.

I love you. I love you. My husband, I forever love you.

As you stand with St. Valentine in heaven today, hug me deeply once more.

—your wife